SEX After Kidsby Mamapumpkin
Posted on 01 August 2012
Just imagine. You have this incredible image of your hot guy (this could be Robert Downey Jr, Brad Pitt, James Franco, Johnny Depp, Denzel Washington, even your own husband; you know…..THAT hot guy you wouldn’t mind frolicking with for hours on end?) and you are alone with him. He has just spent the hour seducing your mind with his intelligence and wit and has swept you off your feet by looking deeply into your eyes, then whispered into your ears that he needed to make love to you. The tension in the air was so thick that you had to climax to disperse it then he made his first move by making contact with your lips. You started surrendering with wild abandon and reached out for his body………..except that your mind told you that the touch you just felt was more like the little body of your 2.5 year old toddler. You open your eyes in the heat of the moment and really see this little body fast asleep beside you and your husband across the other side from her.
What do you do??????? You could quietly satisfy yourself or wake your husband up for some action or just think of ice and go back to sleep. Sadly, this is the state of affairs for most parents after kids come into the picture.
How taboo is the subject of SEX after kids?
What’s the point of keeping quiet about something when really we are dying to know if the next couple with kids suffer the same predicament as us or is there really something wrong with us that we haven’t had sex for weeks? Seriously, how many people discuss their sex lives even to their very close friends? We are in Asia and sex is traditionally a hushed topic. Only the liberal and worldly are brazen enough to admit that they love sex and have lots of it! The rest of us are mostly……..shy.
I took the plunge to ask and interview my circle of friends.
90% of couples who have kids below 2 do not have sex. If at all, it is a sneaked, spontaneous quickie or a planned quickie due to the sheer exhaustion of caring for a young baby/toddler, especially when there is no help. You would be surprised that many, many couples in Malaysia co-sleep with their brood whether for convenience or the lack of space and how cosy is it to have sex with another little person(s) within the same room? I also learnt that for the majority of us, sex will happen once per quarter, if we’re lucky. So if you’re having sex more than that, consider yourself very lucky.
Many a time, women are the sole carers for the children with fathers taking on a back seat role after work and when the father is extremely hands on sharing almost half (it can never be half, trust me), both parties are left exhausted to even care about sex and conversations such as, “I love you and I know you love me but can we just have sex in our dreams? Yeah, see you in my dreams, honey. I’ll be making love to you for sure tonight. In my dreams…….” Both partners then crash into bed mutually satisfied that neither wants sex.
We also have an example of a Stay-At-Home-Dad who cares solely for his kid whilst his wife earns the bacon in a high powered job and you’ll be glad to know that sex for him, he does not want it at all. He also has new found respect for all women. ALL. If anything, he will jerk himself off for a quick fix but really, he is way, WAY too exhausted to consider sex with his wife after a full day with a kid. There is just NO WAY. He says it is physically impossible. So the next time your husband gives you the evil eye about not wanting sex, send yourself for a one week holiday, get him to take leave and make sure nobody else helps him with the kids. See if he can heck sex then.
Even with help, many couples struggle with sex because it is still tiring just talking and playing with kids after a hard days’ work without even worrying about the clogged toilet, the dirty dishes, the dusty floor and taking out the trash. Just imagine if you had to do it all yourself! Who has time for sex!
When your kids are slightly older, you still have the exhaustion but also the extra worry of what if you are caught? The last thing you need is for a 5 year old to walk in with a teddy bear or worse playing twenty questions about what were you doing Mama? And what if your kids started going to school and showing the teachers what his Mommy and Daddy did sometimes?
*Giggle, giggle* My Mommy and Daddy does the naked exercise dance! It’s so funny! Do your Mommy and Daddy do that? It’s like this! See?
If you locked the door, you’d have a banging toddler who kept wailing Mama-Mama-Mama!! And seriously, who can continue with that in the background, it’s not exactly the most romantic of music.
So what do you do?
Take heart and have patience. Majority of parents said that generally after the age of 2, or when the kids are kicked out into their own rooms, you will start getting it more. Even if you have to have a special holiday just for it, so be it. Some parents don’t have it for years when they have a few children in succession.
There are generally a few stages of no sex or very little sex after kids. Firstly, when a woman is pregnant, sex possibly decreases already and once she delivers, even if she has a C-section, sex will be met with a chopping knife. Yes, husbands. If you so much as suggest to your wives that you want sex just after delivery, you will be threatened with a meat cleaver. Perhaps 2 months later when everything is healed, you might get an onion knife instead. The first few months of a baby’s life is exhausting for the severe lack of sleep a couple gets. Once baby starts sleeping through the night, there is hope for a very sporadic quick romp. When your kid starts turning into her Terrible Twos and becomes the horror of all horrors, you actually stop to ponder if you actually want to risk making another horror. Later, you become so busy driving kids around for their activities, cooking for the family and doing all the things that school children’s parents do and really, you ask yourself if you have any energy left for sex? But finally, FINALLY when the kids leave home, I promise you, you will have the sex of your life. Even at 55. This has been proven.
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