Mommy Bloggers
Juggling kids and work ALONE
by MamapumpkinPosted on 08 June 2011
All too often I’ve been known to be the family whinger. I admit, my princess life has not prepared me for real life and although I have enough zeal to get things moving, I MUST moan. It releases my stress and makes me feel better, so shoosh. If you don’t want to listen, close your ears.
With my husband working his new job, me working my new job, having greater expenses and more responsibilities and still having to answer to two demanding young children, I’m spent at best. Every single day. I look forward to the weekends just so I can actually talk to my husband if at all because week days, he comes home so late that I’m as good as being a single mother, physically. But every time I start feeling overwhelmed, all I have to do is remember my many friends who have it tougher. Like Madam Pakumuse.
Madam Pakumuse is a mother to THREE BOYS under 4. And not only that, she is a high flying working Mom with a husband currently working abroad and with three boys, you can only imagine what her days are like from Mondays to Sundays, months on end, NON STOP. The woman is constantly running and with her three boys, there really isn’t much time for well, anything. I decided to interview her so other mothers can like me, be inspired by her, for if she can hold the fort strong without an extra pair of hands, then we certainly can too.
Just to give you an idea of what her daily routine is like, Madam Pakumuse wakes extra early every morning to get her three boys ready for departure. She sends her eldest to preschool, then drops the other two off at her in-laws home, then fights the traffic into the city centre to start work in a highly stressed environment. In the evenings, she fights traffic again to pick her boys up and takes them home in time for bed. Before she can even recoup her energy from a hard day’s work, she needs to work harder still in putting her boys to bed. THREE!!!
As moms, we all know how challenging the task of putting kids to sleep can get short of drugging them with alcohol! Seriously, some kids are good sleepers, some are not. That’s all there is to it. By then, Madam Pakumuse struggles to draw out energy reserves from her gut just to muster a shower, perhaps a quick chat with her husband abroad and falls flat onto bed, or anywhere else. Before she can even get a good night’s sleep, the alarm clock rings blaringly again and off she soldiers on. Her weekends are just as bad if not worse when all three clamber for her attention and she is left to entertain them on her own. Her OWN!!! That’s 48 hours of THREE BOYS UNDER 4!!! I would have booked myself into a mental hospital after week two.
Here, I ask Madam Pakumuse why they decided for her husband to work abroad and how she is coping:
How did you feel when your husband first told you that he had to go abroad for work?
I felt a mixture of happiness (that such a great opportunity had presented itself) to sadness (that he’ll be away from home for an extended period of time) to panic (how to cope without him being around).
What were the first 3 things that crossed your mind and that worried you in the following week?
- How was I going to cope with the 3 kids without him, especially over the weekends when I’m with them 24/7
- The disruption to our already established routine
- How often he would get to return home for holidays and for celebrating important occasions eg kids’ birthdays
How soon did a decision have to be made and how did you come to that decision?
The decision had to be made in 3 days. Hubby and I discussed it at length (and this is only possible when the kids are asleep), the pros and cons of going. We decided that it was a go-ahead considering it was intended to be a short term assignment, and the international experience would be priceless for his CV.
What was parting like? Do you have any tips for women who may have to go through the same ordeal?
I had to prep myself up for many days ahead of the actual departure date. I had to prep the kids too and explained as much as they could understand. When he actually left, I had to hold back my tears for the sake of the children. But I guess prepping one out played a big part in not falling apart when the departure actually happened. Plus the kids kept me so busy that it didn’t leave me much time to feel sad.
How did you rearrange your schedule once your husband was away?
For one, I was now the one and ONLY chauffeur in the house. Everyone had to wake up earlier so that I could send Bryan (4+) to school before I sent the younger two to my mum-in-laws. After settling them in, I had to leave the bigger car there and jump into my smaller car to get to work on time. At night, I had to bring the whole brood back and put them to sleep. Initially, we kept to the original routine where Bradley (1+) would be put to sleep first but then I’d decided that it took too long and the two older kids had to wait. Now we all go to sleep together. On weekends, I’d plan activities to keep everyone occupied. If we had to go out to do some shopping, I only brought them to the less crowded malls so that it was easier to keep an eye on them. Also I had to wait till everyone slept before I could do other things, like do a bit of office work, batch-cooking, baking, sorting out the old clothes and shoes. Previously, hubby could keep them occupied while I worked.
What did you tell your kids about Daddy leaving? How did they handle it?
I had to explain that daddy was going to work in an office far, far away and we won’t get to see him for X number of sleeps. The kids handled the situation extremely well. Brandon (2+) asked for his father twice the next day and that was it. They seemed happy with the explanation. Perhaps it did help that they are being cared of by their grandmother on weekdays anyway.
What was it like when your husband first came home for his first short break? And the week after?
The first HOUR was sheer happiness – happiness from having a husband and father home after a long absence. When the dust settled, it was a little intruding because I was so used to making ALL the decisions and suddenly, I had to consult somebody else prior to making a decision. But that soon passed as I got used to having a husband around again. And then he had to leave and I had to re-adjust all over again. The only consolation is that the re-adjustments get quicker (1 day instead of 1 week) each time he returns home.
What do you see as the pros & cons of having a husband work abroad, away from the family?
Pros
- Earn more money
- Hubby gets more exposure in the international arena
- I get to learn and experience coping as a single parent, and to be more independent – nothing fears me anymore!
- I stop taking hubby for granted, when he is around
- I am a whole lot closer, emotionally, to the kids
Cons
- No additional pair of hands at home
- No “back-up” when mummy needs some rest, go out with friends or is sick
- General feeling of helplessness – eg. Fridge was leaking coolant and I had no idea what to do, stove won’t fire up for some reason
- No free time for self; it’s “mummy, mummy, mummy” from all three kids, day and night, night and day…..
- As a result, individual attention to kids are diluted significantly
- Hubby possibly missing out on children’s milestones eg. Birthdays
Thank you, Madam Pakumuse(http://www.pakumuse.com/blog/. You have inspired me tremendously and surely will be of help to other mothers as a role model for the sacrifices you make as an incredible Mom.
Most popular blog entries at Mamababyworld.com
Nobody told me THIS about breastfeeding!!! by MamapumpkinBreastfeeding For The Travelling Mom by Mommy Lyna
Amber Chia’s Little Darling Ashton Misses Home by Amber Chia
Having a Physically Disabled Child? No Sweat. by Mommy Lyna
Oops, I Did It Again! – How to Switch Bag without Forgetting Anything by Mommy Lyna
Why All Moms Should Blog by Intan
Amber Chia’s Little Darling Ashton just turned ONE year old! by Amber Chia
Paying Attention to Your Children by Mamapumpkin
Amber Chia - The Joy of Motherhood by Amber Chia
Middle Child Syndrome is No Joke! by Mommy Lyna
