Welcome to Motherhood!
Parenting is a lifelong journey, and it is not a bed of roses. But every mother will agree that the experience is priceless as nothing beats coming home to a waiting baby!
Motherhood is a magical journey of joy, sorrow, anticipation, anxiety, guilt, pain and more. Through it all, one thing remains – the satisfaction of giving unconditional love and care to another, which is the ultimate essence of motherhood.
However, all these will not be apparent in the beginning years of your lifelong commitment. You
will often feel tired, lack sleep, struggle to balance everything and battle all sorts of unsolicited advice. In fact, you may even be so overwhelmed by the weight of your new responsibilities that you start wondering why you wanted to have a baby in the first place.
The consolation is knowing that baby will grow, faster than you realise. All too soon, he will be walking, running, going to school and you will wish then you had the sweet-smelling baby in your arms once again. So with that in mind, it is best to just take one step at a time and tackle the top ten baby blues every new mum faces:
1. My cry baby
All babies cry – it is their only way of communicating their needs. Fortunately, most babies’ needs are basic, so they cry when hungry, wet, uncomfortable, too cold, too hot or lonely. Once their needs have been fulfilled, the crying simply stops. Incessant crying usually indicates an unfulfilled need or pain, usually from colic (wind in the stomach).
Tried and tested:
A crying baby can break mum’s nerves and spirit. Stay calm and go through a step-by-step process to find out what’s wrong, such as feeding, changing his nappy and carrying him. If the prolonged crying gets to you, put baby down in a safe spot and leave the room for a time-out. Cry or scream if you need to, then return to baby when you have calmed down.
2. Sleep, baby, sleep!
Babies have a sleep cycle different from adults, which is why new mums sometimes find it difficult adjusting. Adults have a 90-minute sleep cycle comprising 75% deep sleep and 25% dream or REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. Babies, on the other hand, have a shorter sleep cycle of 45 minutes, comprising 20 minutes of deep sleep and 25 minutes of REM sleep.
In the first few weeks, babies usually sleep most of the time but they wake up every hour or so to feed. This is tiring and disruptive especially at night when you are trying to get some sleep yourself. At this point, baby cannot tell the difference between day and night, so you will need to train him. Keep the lights low and the environment silent during the night feeds to encourage your baby to go back to sleep. By the third month, your baby’s sleep patterns will stabilise and he will be sleeping and waking at the same time as your family. His sleep cycle will also change and he will have longer and longer sleep cycles.
Tried and tested:
Swaddle baby with a large piece of cloth to provide him with a sense of security. Swaddling gives baby the impression that he is being held in someone’s arms. Use cool, comfy cotton material so that baby can sleep longer.
3. Childcare woes
Looking for a good childcare provider becomes a priority for every working mum. Many women fall back upon their own mothers to care for their babies, often with the help of domestic maids. Others rely totally on domestic maids, while some take a sabbatical from work until their tot grows up.
Tried and tested:
It is advisable not to confirm arrangements with a particular caregiver until you have given her a few days of trial. You need to be comfortable with each other and the childcare arrangements before confirming as your caregiver will become the second most important person in your precious baby’s life.
4. Juggling your routine
Wish you had more than 24 hours in a day? With baby in your life, it seems impossible to get everything done, from your career demands, your household responsibilities and finally, taking care of the new little human being in your life!
Tried and tested:
Prioritize. Prepare a list of things to do and stick to the level of importance. Delegate work whenever possible and learn to let go of battles that are not worth fighting for.
5. Reassessing finances
As soon as baby is born, you are immediately assuaged with marketers telling you the importance of saving for baby’s education, medical expenses, a rainy day, not to mention the additional baby expenses such as childcare, baby products, personal care items and others.
Tried and tested:
Baby doesn’t need all the fancy stuff in the world! All he needs is you. After all, babies in the olden days never had the baby paraphernalia available today but they all grew up fine. Breastfeed your baby to lower costs. It not only means saving on milk formula but also keeps baby healthier, which means fewer visits to the doctor.
6. Guilt – every mum’s shadow
You feel guilty about going back to work, going for a cup of coffee with your friends on a weekend when you should be home with baby, that maid or mum is spending more time with baby rather than you, when something happens to baby because you think you did something wrong during pregnancy. Maternal instincts make guilt every mum’s best friend by default.
Tried and tested:
Shake off this guilty feeling. No one else can do it for you if you don’t. Mothers are capable of huge achievements at home, work and everywhere else in the world, but we all have the same defect: forgetting what we are worth. So go for that spa or tea break with a friend. Make time for hobbies and stay happy. A fulfilled mum makes a happy baby.
7. Measuring up
When did your baby walk? Can he talk yet? Why does he cry so much? Are you sure you are doing it right? Don’t be surprised if everyone has something to comment on your parenting style or baby’s development phrases. No matter how well you think you are doing, it is easy to get demoralized and unduly worried when someone makes a negative comment.
Tried and tested:
Knowledge is king. Knowing myth from fact will help you differentiate which comments to take seriously and which to ignore. Read more and seek advice from your doctor if necessary.
8. Values and style: His or hers?
You emphasise discipline; your partner prefers to take things easy. Maybe your partner insists on structure, while you live every day as it comes. Or perhaps you like to pick baby up every time he cries, while your partner thinks it is alright to let baby bawl it out once in a while. Differing parenting styles is common when two people from different backgrounds share a precious commodity - baby. If not handled carefully, the constant bickering can lead to resentment and long-drawn domestic battles.
Tried and tested:
Look on the bright side. Having differing styles means baby gets the best of both worlds. Why break the balance?
9. Making time for partner
For the first year of baby’s life, you will be so engrossed with baby’s needs that you might forget the man in your life. It is not uncommon for fathers to feel left out of the picture when you fuss about baby all the time.
Tried and tested:
Make a date with each other, whether once in a week or month. Mark it into your diary like an appointment and treat it like a real date. If time does not really permit that, try going away at least once a year just to rejuvenate your marriage.
10. Time for YOU
You are tired, lacking in sleep, feeling alone, and struggling to finish your work whilst caring for baby, handling household chores, taking care of bigger children (if any), your husband, and even extended family members. As such, you feel harried, despondent and disillusioned about motherhood.
Tried and tested:
Have a little ‘Me Time’ every day to stay sane! It doesn’t have to take long – just ten minutes at your favourite spot (in the garden or balcony). Do some deep breathing or stretching to release oxygen into your brain. Ensure you get a balanced diet and take a multivitamin supplement for additional energy. You need to take care of yourself before you can handle the rest of the world!
